Friday, August 11, 2006

Revelation8.11.2006

I am not a very nice person. Anybody who has met me in person is probably saying, "It's about time you figured that out!" I have always known it. I am just now admitting it to myself.

I am standoffish, very private, not very willing to put myself out there unless I have a defined role, like instructor or tutor. I need to have a clear set of rules to dictate my behavior. Otherwise, I get into trouble.

People scare me. My feelings are hurt very easily. Hypersensitivity can be a part of clinical depression. On good days, I can control it. On other days, I try to keep my mouth shut and stay away from others. Keeping my mouth shut is the hard part. I guess that's the ADHD component of my problems. I have difficulty with stopping to think before saying or doing anything.

My value for honesty often comes across as harsh criticism because tact is not my strong point. I am judgemental, and I don't really try to hide it. That comes across as a "superiority complex."

So...can I blame my personality on chronic depression, or would I have been a jerk regardless?

4 comments:

Mr. Irish said...

Hello

I was reading your blog and thought that you of all people would appreciate the very first cartoon I have posted on my blog, I wrote it a number of years ago but it still holds true for me today.

nirah said...

Oh my..

You really echo how I feel about myself.

*sighs*

The constant battle with self, and interacting with people.

Indigo Black said...

I suffer from manic depression so I definitely know how you feel. Waking up everyday and wondering, "Is this going to be a good day or..." It really does take its toll in all parts of your life.

The great thing is that you know and awareness is the first step towards trying to do something about it. It may be a thousands steps before the problem is fixed but at least you've got one out of the way.

:) Indigo

dawn said...

in some ways I am like you. I tend to overstep my "bounds" and that often makes me stressed beyond belief and depressed.

In other ways...I am a generally friendly person, but certain societal changes make it difficult for me to like many people my own age.